Mining for the Gold

Golden autumn continues here (note that I am loathe to call the season “fall” for now—the term has been too much of a verb for me lately!). This year I consider myself especially blessed as I am able to get out and experience these days without worrying about the clock too much. Throughout my working years, come every September and October, I have felt restricted by needing to stay inside.

While I spend my days focused on getting my body back to working shape, the timing of this forced rest is perfect for me. As frustrating as the slow progress is, I have dealt with worse and come back. When I was 49, a bulging disc and sciatic pain limited me much more than this current injury does over a decade later. That long ago injury diminished so many of my everyday options. But with the right help and a lot of focused exercises—and more time than I would have liked—eventually the fight for my return to health paid off with many good years that included movements such as running, dancing, and walking—as well as good sleep.

For the past 2 ½ months, most days I get out walking whenever I can to get that natural Vitamin D. I am on my eighth week of physical therapy (PT), doing two sessions weekly, as well as my daily exercises—though the physical therapists have expanded the treatment plan by two weeks to at least 10 weeks.

Like my practitioners, I am frustrated by the pace of my healing. So now—much like with the earlier injury—I see that I need help beyond doing my PT exercises. I am definitely not willing to accept that this is all the recovery I’m going to get.

Because my calendar is full of treatment appointments, I could say I am officially old—but I prefer to say I am officially determined. Looks like I am having a real “me” party as far as body work goes. With muscles as tight as mine, my history shows that I can’t exercise my way out of the knots—I need others to help release them so the exercises I am doing can take hold. I have upped the massage sessions I am receiving and have started trigger point dry needling sessions. And, whew, my range of motion is finally starting to increase.

It’s all too slow for me—a few days ago I passed three months since my injury. But I knew from the start it wouldn’t help me to look too far ahead—any days injured are too many. Yet here I am—I just keep working toward better days. It’s not in my nature to rest—but rest is what I need to do to return to my previous activity levels—or to increase them!

As I “rest,” I am also going to take myself outside to move—one step at a time. I get to be outside in the sunshine—and these days are truly glorious. If my life had continued as planned, I would be sitting at a desk most of my daytimes. Instead, I am getting out and moving (slowly) toward the future—including any desk sitting that may come again on those chilly days when staying inside seems a better option.

For now, every day I am mining for the gold in what looks like dull dirt.

Ready, Set . . . Rest

Despite my preference for moving frequently while filling my days and nights with activities, the Universe seems to have other plans for me. Whether I like it or not, I have received the message to rest, reboot, and reset.

It has been decades since I listened to The Creative Fire, a book by Women Who Run With the Wolves author Clarissa Pinkola Estés. At the time, what I understood—from delving into the stories of Persephone (a woman who spends six months of the year with Hades) and her mother, Demeter (the Earth Mother to many, who mourns that separation)—is that creativity is cyclical. But in the so many years since then, my life has taught me that all of life is cyclical—not just creativity. In the mythology, the six months of the year when the earth turns barren represent the period when Persephone is absent from her mother. As a person who grew up in the heartland, I saw that there were times when growth appeared absent or hidden. All kinds of productivity must sometimes wait until enough rest has occurred.

Time has slowed for me since I fractured my left proximal humerus (upper arm) in mid-July. And just as I was navigating the initial phases of healing, my company laid me off, along with about 40 others.

I hate to admit it, but it appears the timing is beneficial for me after all. Despite not expecting or wanting this break, I am able to focus on healing without worrying about so many outside obligations. I have not applied for unemployment insurance because my disrupted sleep, difficulties driving, and physical therapy appointments/regime make it hard for me to be the kind of employee who excels in a new position. The answer is “no”—I really am not someone who can present myself for employment right now.

And I have projects that require my attention—again, the timing works well to be able to focus on them. I have collaborated with my husband on gathering the documentation for selling the family commercial property. Post-sale, as the bookkeeper, it’s my job to prepare our books so that the accountant can finalize closing the business. Plus, my daughter has copywriting projects for me to complete for her growing e-commerce business.

Then there are the financial considerations. My severance pay, combined with the building’s sale profits, means I need to consider our current tax obligations, which again makes focusing on my healing an easy choice.

So, this unplanned pause also leaves me more available to assist my husband with recovery from his upcoming knee replacement surgery and my daughter with planning her upcoming wedding. And I have the opportunity to get my spaces in order for whatever comes next in the new year.

The special treat is that I get to write for myself once again. After so many years spent growing productivity as my main crop, I am free to rotate my fields to growing creativity once more—and discovering the seeds that have so far rested fallow beneath the soil.