Life is slowing down and smoothing out. That feels so good—and yet, so odd. Some days I can give in to possibility and either be in the moment or look to the future. Back to normal sounds so good.

But this is a new normal and somehow I still have to relearn how to relax again on a more permanent basis. I am so used to running on adrenaline that I have almost forgotten how to operate without it. Sometimes the adrenaline kicks in for no apparent reason and I get what I call the jitters. Even though . . .

there is no crisis. There is no deadline.

And thank God for that!

So I practice calming myself down. I breathe deeply, listen to music, give in to the workout’s rhythm, put things back where they belong, and look for order again. If I can’t find it in my heart and head yet, maybe I can find it in my home and life.

Although it isn’t quite order that I seek, since chaos is somewhat my norm. It’s just I’m looking to experience happy chaos on a more regular basis. No more reacting with flight or fight, but with joy and laughter.

More “ja, ja, ja” (sorry, I can’t resist throwing in Spanish here!) and less taking in breath without remembering to expel the toxins.

So I follow the yoga teacher’s instructions on poses that work on my locked thoracic region, knowing that despite the pain I might feel the day after class, it’s just a sign that my body is letting go and—soon—my mind will follow.